I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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