he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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