Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
