My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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