Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is classic penis vs brain.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
