His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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