Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
