afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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