She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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