we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize