Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
