Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
