I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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