I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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