so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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