Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
