i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize