So drunk its hurt
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
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