I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
