I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
