I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
