If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize