I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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