So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
