During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Shitshow foam night was such a success
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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