I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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