he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
