You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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