I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize