You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
