I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
