ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
