im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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