Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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