i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
