Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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