There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
