I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
either way he was missing a nipple.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
