It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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