My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
