We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
