yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
