It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
