Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
