i will never coherently bang her
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
