working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
