Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize