i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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