Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
