there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
