why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
