her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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