A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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