dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
