You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
