he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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