She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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