I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Apparently you make a good broom.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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