the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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