You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
