Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
