sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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