Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
