they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
