So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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