you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
