end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
